Lying
Why do we tell our children not to lie, and also tell them that there is a tooth fairy, Easter bunny and Santa Clause? We can sugar coat it and dismiss these as a fun, innocent fairy tales, or tradition, or whatever. It boils down to the simple fact that we are lying to our kids. What is the worse of the two evils, depriving our children of these myths, or teaching them that it is ok to lie under certain circumstances?
Mackenzie has a few loose teeth. Kate and I will be creative, and we will not lie.
posted by Mike @ 8:35 AM
4 comments
4 Comments:
right on brother..PREACH IT! You have to ask Bob Rice what happened when the Lopez's visited the Rice's and my daughter spilled the tooth fairy beans to one of the Rice's boys. ask him, I am sure he would love to tell you.
Personally, we have our kids trade in their tooth for a date at Mcdonalds or Burger King with Dad or Mom or the entire family. This has been really cool. All of the choices so far have been to involve the entire family. It is a blast. Now when the kids have a loose tooth they are like OH YEAH!
hope this helps..Peace Mike and Kate and the Innovation Crew.
I think that you can embrace the myth while telling the truth. For instance, explaining that Mom & Dad go under the guise of Santa Claus to promote selfless, anonymous giving at Christmas is a valuable lesson, but completely lost on my 2-year-old. When she can understand that concept, I feel certain we'll help her make that explanation, maybe by being "Santa Claus" for a younger sibling, or a friend of the family if we're not blessed with any more kids.
Do what you do, but don't throw the baby out with the bathwater either. As I like to mention to my more fundamentalist friends, it doesn't have to be fact to be true.
From Dictionary.com
true
1. Consistent with fact or reality; not false or erroneous. See Synonyms at real1. See Usage Note at fact.
2. Truthful.
As for the concept of Santa Clause and giving, as I child I remember equating Santa with "Yay, presents for me!" rather than selfless giving. And I don't think I was different than most kids in that regard. You certainly don't need to embrace a myth to teach selflessness. BTW, for Kenzie's Easter, we recycled a basket that we already had, put just a little candy in there and a check for the Humane Society (since she loves dogs). Hopefully next year we'll upgrade to a human charity.
A man named Joe and a woman named Ronita Chiquita had a fight about where they should raise their kids. Joe wanted to live in the suburbs and RC preferred the city where she was raised. In the course of the argument, Joe called Ronita's mother a cocker-spaniel and said he hated her. Joe was out of line.
OK, in the situation is "Joe was wrong" a true statement? I think by most standards, yes. Is it a factual statement? No, because Joe doesn't really exist. Can we learn from Joe even though he doesn't actually exist? Yes. Truth != Fact. That's what I meant.
I don't think you're wrong, necessarily, but I think that there are responsible ways to both embrace the stories and characters of the season without deceiving your child.
That being said, I don't think anyone has any obligation to do it either. You and Kate are admirable in your intention to teach Kenz part of what it is to be a good member of society (not lying).
Your experience is probably similar to many, as far as Santa was concerned. My parents however took my coming of age enough to call bullshit to explain why they'd done it: because they wanted to give us things without expecting any thanks. Then the next Christmas I picked out presents for my brother that he still doesn't know I gave him. That was a huge lesson in my childhood, and I hope to recreate it for my daughter.
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